The Acknowledgement Imperative

A Leadership Lesson:

"I See You"

Among the tribes of Northern Natal in South Africa, the most common greeting, equivalent to "hello" in English, is the expression: Sawu bona. It literally means, "I see you." If you are a member of the tribe, you might reply by saying Sikhona, "I am here." The order to the exchange is important: until you see me, I do not exist. It’s as if, when you see me, you bring me into existence.

This meaning, implicit in the language, is part of the spirit of ubuntu, a frame of mind prevalent among native people in Africa below the Sahara. The word ubuntu stems from the folk saying Umuntu ngumuntu nagabantu, which, from Zulu, literally translates as: "A person is a person because of other people." If you grow up with this perspective, your identity is based upon the fact that you are seen - that people around you acknowledge you as a person.

During the last few years in South Africa, many corporations have begun to employ managers who were raised in tribal regions. The ubuntu ethic often clashes subtly with the culture of those corporations. In an office, for instance, it’s perfectly normal to pass someone in the hall, while preoccupied, and not greet him. This would be worse than a sign of disrespect under the ubuntu ethic; it would imply that you felt that person did not exist. Not long ago, an internal consultant who had been raised in a rural village became visibly upset after a meeting where nothing much had seemed to happen. When a project where he had played a key part came up for discussion, his role was not mentioned or acknowledged. Asked later why it bothered him so much, he said, "You don’t understand. When they spoke about the project, they did not say my name. They did not make me a person."

We (should) aspire to the mutual respect and openness that is embedded in the spirit of ubuntu. You could argue that we invoke each other’s potential by our willingness to see the essence of each other. We see you. We are glad that you are here.

From the Fifth Discipline Fieldbook, by Peter Senge, et al. (1994)______________________________________________________

Have you ever had an encounter with another person that made you question your existence or your value as a person? I did. Years ago at a former employer I found myself at a staff member’s office birthday party. You know how they are. You can’t have too much fun, because everyone’s got work to do and you’ve got to get back to it. Often times these people are not even your friends but you are merely acquainted. This party happened to be in the executive suite, so factor that in too.

I happened to ask a simple, friendly, benign, small-talk question to a very senior leader that was also at the party. My boss's boss. I’m sure he heard me. There is no way he couldn't have. His response: He completely ignored me. He did not answer, did not acknowledge my question. He simply turned away from me, completely dismissive. Up to that point in my life I had never experienced such utter disrespect from anyone. Nor have I since. It affected me so, I guess that’s why I bring it up. That experience still stings. I’ve wondered if there is a place or a book where this executive learned this? Was it some sort of "power technique" to ensure that I knew my place in relation to him? This person also did not acknowledge my mother’s death to me after I had been away for a week or so to be with her and my family. He knew. There is no way he didn’t.

I guess I can only hope he’s changed, for his own good.

And for those around him now.

Make it a habit to acknowledge others. See them. Let them know that you know they are there.